Over and Over and Ove Again.
Here I am again. Lying in bed exhausted, puffy, bloodshot eyes, with a tightness at my heart. I've been here before. So many of us have been here before. And for what? What the fuck is the purpose of drinking? I gain absolutely nothing, except if you count that brief moment of feeling "normal." But I don't want that kind of normal. I want the kind of normal with shiny eyes and glowing skin. The kind of normal that screams, "I am a badass. You can keep your fucking poison; I'm raw dogging this life!" But I'm not there, yet. YET. I'm getting angry now. I'm stuck and I can't get out. I'm afraid to quit cold turkey and tapering seems to be a painful and slow death. Over and over and over again. I don't sleep. I don't exercise. I have cellulite above my kneecaps and up my thighs. This is not me. THIS IS NOT ME! I think that's all I have to say today. ...